My Last Will and Testament

Have you ever tried writing your last will and testament?

It might sound absurd, funny and freaky . . . but I did.  I was feeling "rock bottom" and i thought that my journey is coming to an end.  So I wrote my last will and testament.  Clueless as to how does it look like, i searched for a legal format, read it and began writing;

Last Will and Testament

LAST WILL AND TESTAMENT

KNOW ALL MEN BY THESE PRESENTS:
 

I, __  , Filipino citizen, of legal age, single, born on the __ of ___, __ , a resident of ___, being of sound and disposing mind and memory, and not acting under undue influence or intimidation from anyone, do hereby declare and proclaim this instrument to be my Last Will and Testament, in English, the language which I am well conversant. And I hereby declare that:

I. I desire that should I die, it is my wish to be buried according to the rites of the Roman Catholic Church and interred at ______.

II. To my beloved parents ____________, Nothing could ever repay you for nurturing me all these years and I am eternally grateful for that.  But as a simple token of these gratitude I give and bequeath the following property to wit:_________________________ ;

III. To my esteemed children, ________________________ and ______________________I give and bequeath the following properties to wit:_______________________________ in equal shares;
  

.  .  . 

I was shocked, dismayed and frustrated.  Unable to write, tears just welled 'round my eyes.  I was feeling a total failure.  I realized i have nothing to give.  I may have a life insurance which is not really that substantial, but there is none that i have that i can be proud of imparting to my loved ones.  Then questions creep in my head - Is it all about money or properties? If i die now, what legacy will i left behind? Who do people say I was? . . .and i found myself at a loss.  

I have learned from Brendan Burchard that at the end of a person's life there are only three questions to ask - Did i live?, Did I love?, and Did i matter?

I was asking myself the same questions and boom! Silence. . . .  I could only lay silent as if it were a veil to cover my shame, my regrets, my deep sense of poverty.  

More than my dreams for financial success, for material abundance, there is a great poverty lounging in my soul - Love.  I do not have love nor the capacity to receive it.  What a great insult to the God who created me out of love. 

I have failed to live, i have failed to love and i did not do anything to be of significance to mankind, not even to my friends.  How pathetic could i be? 

I have been living someone else's life, someone else's dreams, just casting myself beneath the shores, unable to sail great oceans.  No passion to live, no dreams to pursue.  Just like a feather, going where the wind blows it away.

I realized, I had died a long time ago, because i killed myself.

But wait, 

If there is one thing that i learned while writing my last will and testament, it is to Hope.

It's not yet the end.  I can grapple all the hope i could.  I can turn things around.  There is hope because i believe in a God who is a victorious God!  

My life may seem a mirage as i see it now but i believe that God knows me inside out - so i cling unto this hope.  The hope that HIS Love will fill me,  will heal me, will complete me and make me whole.

And only He has the sole authority to write my last will and testament.  He will write it upon the hearts of people who will be blessed by my existence, upon the testimonies of people who will experience the abundance of God's love through me.

Try writing your own last will and testament today and see where it leads you.  You might discover valuable and deep-seated information about yourself as I did.

¹⁰ But when full understanding comes, these partial things will become useless. ¹¹ When I was a child, I spoke and thought and reasoned as a child. But when I grew up, I put away childish things. ¹² Now we see things imperfectly as in a cloudy mirror, but then we will see everything with perfect clarity.^[a] All that I know now is partial and incomplete, but then I will know everything completely, just as God now knows me completely.

¹³ Three things will last forever—faith, hope, and love—and the greatest of these is love.   1 Corinthians 13:10-13 (New Living Translation)

Whom Shall I Fear?

The Holy Week has just passed. It's supposed to be Easter now, but my heart is still carrying the cross of Good Friday.  I thought the persecutions would end at Good Friday, but i was wrong.  Day and night i feared the lashes of the enemy.  I felt like a newly washed cloth afraid to be stained.  I walked with so much fear that any step i take could lead me back to sin, could let me fall from grace.  Oh, i felt so alone in this walk Lord.  But i know you'll never allow me to fall when all else in my life is falling. You'll never forsake me in my weakness. 


You have this song "Whom Shall I Fear" by Lincoln Brewster played in my heart at the right moment to remind me of who You are.


"When all You are is glorious Oh God
Victorious and Strong,
Whom Shall I fear.
When all You are is powerful and true
And good in all You do
Whom shall i fear,
Whom shall i fear.


I know You're with me in the fire
You never leave me in the flame
I know Your thoughts are so much higher
And all Your ways are not my ways."

I Surrender

With the Holy Week fast approaching, my media player is all songs on God's compassion.  I felt the need to get in tune to the spirit of brokenness, repentance and humility, coz my mind is all agog of work, concerns and even sin.  It's as if my mind is stuffed with all sort of things and i just couldn't squeezed in the thought about God anymore.  The kind of feeling where you seem so helpless that you resigned yourself and just stare at a blank wall because you don't know which thing to do first.  I was at my breaking point.  I was asking myself, what is the point of doing all these things - work, home, ministry?  It felt as if i've lost my mojo.  I can' find that single spark to do things with inspiration.  Not even things of God. I have that feeling all week, a sinking feeling.

But then one song hit me.  And it hit hard enough to awaken the single living sense left within me.  

That song  was "Surrender" by Lincoln Brewster.  I realized that i just have to raise my hands and lift it up to the skies and just surrender.  Like a defeated soldier, weary in a battle against one's own pride and sinfulness, I am waving my white flag to the Lord.  I surrender all to you Lord - my worries, my sins, my life, my world.  I'm laying down my rights, Come and take over.  Hold me captive in Your arms.  If I should be in chains, better be enchained in Your love.  I am on my knees, break my heart O God and strip me to the core of my soul.  I surrender all to you.

http://www.youtube.com/ i surrender

I'm giving you my heart, and all that is within

I lay it all down for the sake of you my King

I'm giving you my dreams, I'm laying down my rights

I'm giving up my pride for the promise of new life

And I surrender all to you, all to you

And I surrender all to you, all to you

I'm singing You this song, I'm waiting at the cross

And all the world holds dear, I count it all as loss

For the sake of knowing You for the glory of Your name

To know the lasting joy, even sharing in Your pain 

© 2005 Integrity Music

www.christian-lyrics.net / i surrender

Does God Talk To You?

Early in the morning as i woke up, i blurted out a greeting and a prayer to God.  And during the day when i felt so tired and burdened i just find myself uttering some words to God.  In the evening i end my day with a prayer to God.

God, Jesus, Prayer

Then i realized that in most of my prayers i was the one talking to God.  Sometimes i talk to God in an audible voice. Sometimes it's just in my head, but sometimes my head talks nonchalantly until i just forget that i am talking to God.  You see it is just I - talking - TO - God.  Sometimes i paused for some few moments of silence, allowing God to talk to me, but i just hear the sound of the crickets, my grumbling stomach or the sound of the air conditioner. Maybe i'm just not focused or maybe i just tried too much and over thought about Him.


But have you asked yourself if God ever talked back to you?


I do. A lot of times.  But i also asked God how will you talk to me today Lord? Yes, How? 'Coz I believe that God does talk back to me, every time.  If you expect for white clouds to appear and hear clasps of thunder as you'll hear God's voice in a Scotty Mccreery tone say to you "Hello there". You'll be disappointed 'coz it will not happen. At least not yet.  Or you'll faint in holy horror. (By the way, Scotty is an AI Season 10 finalist with a deep voice).


But God really talks to you in so many ways.  He talks to you through a flower just across your window, or through a dog wagging its tail at you, maybe a beggar outside your door.  Or it could be through a book, a magazine or a newspaper you're reading,


There are countless ways God can speak to you 'coz our God is bigger than the universe He created.  You just have to be in the right disposition.  You have to be "super-extra sensitive"  to His presence, because He has lots of competition nowadays with your attention.  Have an open heart and open mind 'coz you'll never know God might just be speaking right in front of you today disguise as a vagabond, a simple e-mail from a friend, an inspiring message in a billboard on the highway, or it could simply be the hug from your child or spouse.


'And you must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your mind, and all your strength.’  Mark 12:30 (NLT)

See Him with your heart, Hear Him with your soul, Feel Him with all your strength and keep Him in your mind.

Predestined?

I just wondered if every man has been  predestined for something.  
Take a look around.   You'll see,
A scavenger who satisfies himself with rubbish food yet feels happy to have his fill for the day.  
A jeepney driver who scampers around the streets from early in the morning until midnight to feed his family of five. An office personnel scurrying with the office politics just to get a raise or promotion.  Or a neighbor who early in the morning sits on a stool with his barkadas drinking liquor until dusk. Or all those crime you'll see on tv.

Have you ever thought that some people are just  meant to die young or some people are just ought what they are to be.  Some people no matter how hard they bury their heads at work just won't progress in life.  Or some people no matter how hard they try to be a movie star or a singer just will not get the fame they dreamed of. Has it ever crossed your mind that you are pouring all your efforts on the wrong things because things will never be what you ought them to be? Did you ever thought of wannabes who with a stroke of luck or some "hand of God" suddenly became stars? Or how some people effortlessly just seem to draw luck on their side? 


Does God really has a master plan for each of us? Sometimes i thought that if God has predestined us for something then we don't really have to push or shove our way into life but instead figure out what God has planned for us in the first place so that we have lesser failures, lesser pains. But does God planned that someone could die so young? or Did God planned a son or daughter to become criminals? Or a sister to become prostitutes? Is God happy in my life of poverty? of depression? of pain?




The Word of God says;
"And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose" Romans 8:28




God has a purpose for each one of us, a good purpose. And it's our call.  We have a choice to hear His voice  or do our own thing.  The only thing He has predestined for us is that in the end we ought to be in heaven. But it's up to us if we say YES or NO.


Take your pick.

Reaching for Jesus

i'm just so blessed by this song today.
when everything else seems dry,
i come to you O God and drink from your well.
oh pour out your love from heaven o God!
Pull me closer to you.

reaching for you, lincoln brewster

Reaching For You

Paul Baloche and Lincoln Brewster

© Integrity Worship Music/ASCAP, LeadWorship Songs 

(adm by Integrity Worship Music)/ASCAP and Integrity's Praise! Music/BMI

You created me inside Your great imagination

You're the One who gave me my first breath

You have overseen my life and brought me to redemption

And I know that You're not finished with me yet

I'm reaching for You

I'm singing to You

I'm lifting my hands to praise You

I'm lifting my voice to thank You

I'm reaching for You

Jesus I need You

I'm giving my heart to know You

I'm living my life to serve You

I'm reaching for You

You're the one who spoke the Word of life to light my darkness

You opened up my eyes 'til I could see

Jesus You have promised to complete the work You started

Faithful to fulfill Your grace in me

Pour out Your love from heaven

Fill me until I overflow Lord I want more

Reach down Your hands from heaven

Pull me closer than ever before Lord I want more

Pour out Your love from heaven

Fill me until I overflow 'cause I want more

Reach down Your hands from heaven

Pull me closer than ever before Lord I want more

Oh I'm reaching

God I'm reaching for You

via: http://www.newreleasetuesday.com/reaching for you lyrics

Thirst

tongue in throttle,

lips parched, 

eyes in delusion of moist.

heat hovers my being

as i lie on a pavement 

or a furnace, it seemed

unable to budge a muscle.

it rained, 

water flowed

till i was soaked

yet it could not quench

the groaning.

my soul,

in throttle

parched

delusional

groping

thirsty...