My Last Will and Testament

Have you ever tried writing your last will and testament?

It might sound absurd, funny and freaky . . . but I did.  I was feeling "rock bottom" and i thought that my journey is coming to an end.  So I wrote my last will and testament.  Clueless as to how does it look like, i searched for a legal format, read it and began writing;

Last Will and Testament

LAST WILL AND TESTAMENT

KNOW ALL MEN BY THESE PRESENTS:
 

I, __  , Filipino citizen, of legal age, single, born on the __ of ___, __ , a resident of ___, being of sound and disposing mind and memory, and not acting under undue influence or intimidation from anyone, do hereby declare and proclaim this instrument to be my Last Will and Testament, in English, the language which I am well conversant. And I hereby declare that:

I. I desire that should I die, it is my wish to be buried according to the rites of the Roman Catholic Church and interred at ______.

II. To my beloved parents ____________, Nothing could ever repay you for nurturing me all these years and I am eternally grateful for that.  But as a simple token of these gratitude I give and bequeath the following property to wit:_________________________ ;

III. To my esteemed children, ________________________ and ______________________I give and bequeath the following properties to wit:_______________________________ in equal shares;
  

.  .  . 

I was shocked, dismayed and frustrated.  Unable to write, tears just welled 'round my eyes.  I was feeling a total failure.  I realized i have nothing to give.  I may have a life insurance which is not really that substantial, but there is none that i have that i can be proud of imparting to my loved ones.  Then questions creep in my head - Is it all about money or properties? If i die now, what legacy will i left behind? Who do people say I was? . . .and i found myself at a loss.  

I have learned from Brendan Burchard that at the end of a person's life there are only three questions to ask - Did i live?, Did I love?, and Did i matter?

I was asking myself the same questions and boom! Silence. . . .  I could only lay silent as if it were a veil to cover my shame, my regrets, my deep sense of poverty.  

More than my dreams for financial success, for material abundance, there is a great poverty lounging in my soul - Love.  I do not have love nor the capacity to receive it.  What a great insult to the God who created me out of love. 

I have failed to live, i have failed to love and i did not do anything to be of significance to mankind, not even to my friends.  How pathetic could i be? 

I have been living someone else's life, someone else's dreams, just casting myself beneath the shores, unable to sail great oceans.  No passion to live, no dreams to pursue.  Just like a feather, going where the wind blows it away.

I realized, I had died a long time ago, because i killed myself.

But wait, 

If there is one thing that i learned while writing my last will and testament, it is to Hope.

It's not yet the end.  I can grapple all the hope i could.  I can turn things around.  There is hope because i believe in a God who is a victorious God!  

My life may seem a mirage as i see it now but i believe that God knows me inside out - so i cling unto this hope.  The hope that HIS Love will fill me,  will heal me, will complete me and make me whole.

And only He has the sole authority to write my last will and testament.  He will write it upon the hearts of people who will be blessed by my existence, upon the testimonies of people who will experience the abundance of God's love through me.

Try writing your own last will and testament today and see where it leads you.  You might discover valuable and deep-seated information about yourself as I did.

¹⁰ But when full understanding comes, these partial things will become useless. ¹¹ When I was a child, I spoke and thought and reasoned as a child. But when I grew up, I put away childish things. ¹² Now we see things imperfectly as in a cloudy mirror, but then we will see everything with perfect clarity.^[a] All that I know now is partial and incomplete, but then I will know everything completely, just as God now knows me completely.

¹³ Three things will last forever—faith, hope, and love—and the greatest of these is love.   1 Corinthians 13:10-13 (New Living Translation)

Whom Shall I Fear?

The Holy Week has just passed. It's supposed to be Easter now, but my heart is still carrying the cross of Good Friday.  I thought the persecutions would end at Good Friday, but i was wrong.  Day and night i feared the lashes of the enemy.  I felt like a newly washed cloth afraid to be stained.  I walked with so much fear that any step i take could lead me back to sin, could let me fall from grace.  Oh, i felt so alone in this walk Lord.  But i know you'll never allow me to fall when all else in my life is falling. You'll never forsake me in my weakness. 


You have this song "Whom Shall I Fear" by Lincoln Brewster played in my heart at the right moment to remind me of who You are.


"When all You are is glorious Oh God
Victorious and Strong,
Whom Shall I fear.
When all You are is powerful and true
And good in all You do
Whom shall i fear,
Whom shall i fear.


I know You're with me in the fire
You never leave me in the flame
I know Your thoughts are so much higher
And all Your ways are not my ways."

I Surrender

With the Holy Week fast approaching, my media player is all songs on God's compassion.  I felt the need to get in tune to the spirit of brokenness, repentance and humility, coz my mind is all agog of work, concerns and even sin.  It's as if my mind is stuffed with all sort of things and i just couldn't squeezed in the thought about God anymore.  The kind of feeling where you seem so helpless that you resigned yourself and just stare at a blank wall because you don't know which thing to do first.  I was at my breaking point.  I was asking myself, what is the point of doing all these things - work, home, ministry?  It felt as if i've lost my mojo.  I can' find that single spark to do things with inspiration.  Not even things of God. I have that feeling all week, a sinking feeling.

But then one song hit me.  And it hit hard enough to awaken the single living sense left within me.  

That song  was "Surrender" by Lincoln Brewster.  I realized that i just have to raise my hands and lift it up to the skies and just surrender.  Like a defeated soldier, weary in a battle against one's own pride and sinfulness, I am waving my white flag to the Lord.  I surrender all to you Lord - my worries, my sins, my life, my world.  I'm laying down my rights, Come and take over.  Hold me captive in Your arms.  If I should be in chains, better be enchained in Your love.  I am on my knees, break my heart O God and strip me to the core of my soul.  I surrender all to you.

http://www.youtube.com/ i surrender

I'm giving you my heart, and all that is within

I lay it all down for the sake of you my King

I'm giving you my dreams, I'm laying down my rights

I'm giving up my pride for the promise of new life

And I surrender all to you, all to you

And I surrender all to you, all to you

I'm singing You this song, I'm waiting at the cross

And all the world holds dear, I count it all as loss

For the sake of knowing You for the glory of Your name

To know the lasting joy, even sharing in Your pain 

© 2005 Integrity Music

www.christian-lyrics.net / i surrender